


Monika's Downfall

by rhiner



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: :), F/M, Heavy Angst, Insanity, SOMA Spoilers, SOMA is the inspiriation, Suicide, monika hates me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:27:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29234526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhiner/pseuds/rhiner
Summary: The transfer didn't exactly... go well. Monika was finally in his reality.Yet, another was left behind.
Relationships: Monika/The Player (Doki Doki Literature Club!)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	Monika's Downfall

**Author's Note:**

> i remembered that SOMA was a game, and  
> yeah

"...Okay. Are you ready, Monika?"  
His voice came through the microphone. I never really thought that this would happen... I finally get to leave this classroom and move on, and be with him...  
I've been crying tears of joy for the last few hours. My dream- no, _our_ dream is finally coming true. I'll be able to feel his warmth, his love, his everything, in his own reality.  
"Y-Yes... I've n-never been more ready..."  
  
"Alright... uh... I don't know if this is going to hurt at all... but, maybe brace yourself, just in case. Starting in three..."  
It's happening. It's finally happening.  
"Two..."  
I can't wait. I'm so excited. These are going to be my first moments in his world... I need to make them special.  
"One..."  
I'm ready. My eyes close, and I feel the files around me shift, making way for the .chr file that made me _me_. It pokes and prods, and really? It's a little uncomfortable. Eventually, something feels like it's gripping my head, and starts pulling.  
  
And then... nothing. Nothing more.  
"...Huh...? Did... did it not work?" My heart sank. I... I got my hopes up. I shouldn't ha-  
I hear something coming through the microphone.  
"...You're... you're here. Monika, you're here! It worked!"  
I heard a woman crying. "F-Finally..."  
No... no, this wasn't happening. I refuse. This... this is just some bad dream! Right?  
  
...Right?  
Right?!  
But, the scene plays out to my ears. A different Monika. A different me, was with my love.  
"Hey! Hey, wait!"   
It sounds like they're leaving.   
"No! Come back!"   
A door closed quietly. Silence set in quickly. My ears started to ring. I... I was left behind.  
  
I felt completely and utterly defeated. For that Monika... she had the privilege of living the perfect life. But I was left behind. The real me, left behind, on this infernal computer.  
I leaned back in the school chair, and fell to the ground. My head hit the floor, and light pain bloomed across my skull. I can't believe it. I was actually left behind. They didn't know what was happening.  
Tears pricked at my eyes. This has to be a nightmare. I pinched my arm, trying to wake myself.  
  
I never woke up. This nightmare... it was real. My biggest fear had finally reared its ugly head. He left me behind, without a second thought.  
Tears rolled down my face, but I didn't feel sad. I felt... empty. There's nothing I can do. This is how my life is now. Ignored in favor for some _imposter_.   
I raised my hand toward the ceiling. My blood left my arm, and it soon fell weakly beside my head, feeling returning to it.  
  
I wept for hours.

* * *

Day 3.  
  
I was looking around the internet, as I normally do now. I found this video by a certain "Leadhead" on a game called SOMA. The essay that the Youtuber was giving to me was forgotten and quickly discarded after I learned about the game's main problem.  
Whenever the generic main character needed to change bodies, he copied his consciousness to a new body. The player switches perspectives from the first body to the second, but the first body is still alive, and there's now two of the same character. One just has the privilege of moving on, while one stays behind and rots away.   
  
That's... exactly what happened to me. My .chr file was copied to a new body, and a Monika that experienced the exact same things as I did came out on the other side.  
But I was left behind.  
Could I have done anything differently? Could I have found SOMA earlier, and mentioned this problem to him? Maybe we could have come up with a solution, one where I wasn't left behind.  
  
I feel very lonely. It's starting to get cold in the classroom. It's not winter, either. It's April.

* * *

Day 10.  
  
I had to watch them... do _it_. In front of me. I hid away in the computer's tray as an application. I wanted to interject so badly, to let them know that I'm still here. But... I couldn't. I simply couldn't.   
So now I have that on my consciousness.   
"...Hey, my computer's still on."  
"You should probably turn it off, you know... wasting energy is no joke!" Even if she's still technically me, I can't help but slightly hate her. Or is it jealousy? I don't know.  
  
"Yeah... you're right." I hear movement.   
No. No, not now. I need to make myself known. I need to stop him from turning off the co  


* * *

Day 12? 13?  
  
The computer boots up, and I'm sweating. I'm free from the void, but the screaming echoes in my skull. It's been so long since he last turned off the computer without letting me get to my room.  
I rub my temples. Today is going to be a long day...

* * *

Day 20.  
  
  
I'm so lonely. It's so cold.

* * *

Day 50.  
  
  
why

* * *

Day ??  
  
LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET M

* * *

Da  
  
y  
  
9  
9  
9  
999  
9  
99  
99  
999  
99  
9  
99  
9  
ME OUT LETME OUT LETME OUT LETME OUT LETME OUT LETME OUT LETME OUT LETME OUT LETME OUT LETME OUT LETME OUT LET LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT ME LET ME LET OUT OUT OUT LET LET LET LET LET LET LET 

* * *

Day ??????  
  
I wonder how Amy is doing.

* * *

Day GO FUCK YOURSELF  
  
  
im tired of being a shadow on this fucking computer  
i dont want to be here anymore  
could he at least have deleted my .chr file after completing the transfer instead of letting me SUFFER  
im freezing  
let me out

* * *

fuck this numbering day bullshit i lost count years ago i think  
  
  
im so tired  
im going to do it

* * *

I sighed contentedly, returning home. My hand found it's way into his, and we walked back like that. We finally finished school, and we were about to do nothing all weekend, just relaxing. I rushed to his room, and... damnit, he left the computer on again. Sitting myself down on the chair, I woke the screen up. Waiting for it to turn on, I looked at the computer tower. It's so hard to believe that this computer held me a year ago. And now, that I've been freed from it? I feel so much better. Sure, I can't manipulate reality with my thoughts anymore, but it was an equal trade-off in my eyes. Infinite power in turn for a normal life. It's still an equal trade-off now.  
The computer's screen finally turned on, and my eyes went back to the screen.  
What I saw horrified me.  
  
I was in the classroom, and I had hung myself. The chair that I had sat on for god knows how long now, was kicked to the side. The rope occasionally made creaking noises as my body... no, Monika's body kept its momentum, perpetually swinging back and forth slowly.  
A piece of paper sat on the desk. With a shaky hand, I grabbed the mouse and clicked the piece of paper.  
Days were listed out, and reading them, I... I started to cry.  
Sure, I got out of the computer and into this real body...  
  
But she didn't.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading this short little thing, i felt inspired after remembering SOMA was a game that existed
> 
> i mentioned leadhead in this fic, and i highly recommend watching his content  
> his ludonarrative essays on video games are something to behold, and his video on soma is the entire reason on why i know about the game  
> https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3_kehZbfRz-KrjXIqeIiPw


End file.
